With some significant support from Kevin, we have made it to the end of school year 2023. Our first in Darwin, and a highly successful affair.

The ever-shifting sands that make up the ‘flamingo school pact’ meant that Kevin was worn every day for the first week of terms 1, 2, 3, 4 AND the final week of the year. By the end he was droopy and hagged. A slow leak or two, and a significant reduction in the power of his air intake fan, meant that his proud tail-feathers sagged and his elegant neck drooped. But he forged on right up until the final school bell, with his weird little crown still sitting atop that drooping head, and his pink tulle skirt still catching on my bicycle chain.

The boys have decided that Kevin will be retired for 2024, to be replaced by a giant, rideable prawn called Bob. Stay tuned in early 2024 for more news on Bob.

Kevin’s retirement may be for the best given I recently discovered (from a learned friend) that the flamingo is a well-known ‘secret symbol’ for swingers. That is, one should discretely display a flamingo if one is swing-curious – perhaps as a motif on a sock, or a handkerchief or even a small lower back tattoo if one is particularly committed. Other swingers in the know may then presumably recognise the subtle hint and thus find a way to discretely expose to you their own flamingo tattoo on that flabby bit of their upper arm. One can only imagine this might fast-track the small talk and expedite the swinging. In the absence of such shortcuts I am not sure how any conversation could ever be steered with any sort of efficiency to “do you and your partner ever have casual sex with other parent-aged couples in the neighbourhood?”, but perhaps I am just not a good enough conversationalist.

Now, I must say the flamingo theory is unconfirmed, and I noticed exactly zero people discretely exposing their flabby upper arm bits to me all year, but I wasn’t really looking. It is possible however, that Kevin has caused year-long confusion to the entire local swinging community and it will be a great relief to many that he has now retired to the wardrobe. I will research prawn symbology before Bob begins his career in a few weeks time.

A few notable milestones to quickly list for posterity:

• The boys have learned many new, exciting and highly questionable words in their new school. One afternoon around mid-year they both came home energized and excitedly told us they know there is a ‘C’ word but they don’t yet know what that ‘C” word is. A friend subsequently told us she had learned from her son what the ‘C’ word is, but it is not the ‘C’ word we think it is. The mystery continues.
• Monty learned to read and now delightfully reads out loud whenever he gets the opportunity, doing all the voices and intonations. Listening to him read a Dog Man out loud to himself is one of life’s great joys.
• Milo won $40 in a local chess tournament, his first ‘earned’ money. It immediately opened his eyes to the power of capitalism.
• Neither boy has had a haircut in more than 12 months. Neither has any affection for the hairbrush. This is a bad combination in the tropics.
• The boys were showered with green slips throughout the year for various achievements; some real, some spurious. Milo received the family’s only orange slip for the year which seemingly was delivered to him by a relief teacher for writing too much on a ‘creative piece’ (his book was full and he wouldn’t stop). This seems like the orange slip equivalent of the ‘my weakness is I work too hard’ interview answer, so we have confidence his academic career remains on track.
• The boys attended their first disco. Milo lay on the stage and read his book, Monty stood RIGHT in front of the speakers and danced alone for most of it. Later he told me in a fevered voice “I could feel the music inside my stomach!”
• Monty joined the Eco-Warriors and thus spent one recess per week weeding the school veggie garden. We presume the roles become more glamorous as one climbs the Eco-Warriors hierarchy.
• Milo spent the first half of the year playing chess in the library at lunch time, but unfortunately his challengers started dropping off. He recounted one particular game which sounded like the primary school chess equivalent of that scene in Troy – Achilles Vs Boagrius in which Brad Pitt Achilles is late for the battle and a small boy and crowd go to fetch him. A group of 3rd graders had gathered outside Milo’s classroom, returned from the library, just before lunch. They whispered excitedly among themselves; the 6th grade Boagrius of chess had challenged him and was waiting in the library. Milo strolled the 40 or so steps to the library, flanked by a posse of chess-curious 8 year olds. According to Milo, what followed was a very pleasant match, played in good spirits, in which Milo was the ultimate winner after a good 15 minute period in the middle where the game was, as they say, very much in the balance.
• Both have perfected their cannonballs.

What joy, revelry and new rude words will Bob and 2024 bring us? We shall have to wait and see.