“Knight to meet you” – Chess and other delightfully weird pursuits

“Knight to meet you” – Chess and other delightfully weird pursuits

A big chess tournament is a glorious homage to nerdy excellence and drab fashion. The tournament Milo and I attended in January, although largely overshadowed by our adventure with Lucky the Lorikeet (read here), delivered magnificently on both counts.

A tournament of this size requires a big venue; a school hall, basketball stadium, something of that nature. The folding trellis tables are laid out in rows and rows, each with its own chess timer and board. Adjacent each of these tables can be found a pair of children, each with a neat haircut, oversized dark coloured or grey t-shirt (Adidas or ‘chess themed’), plain shorts or long trousers in quick-dry material, white socks at medium ankle length (not high or low) and white sneakers (Adidas or New Balance). There is an occasional baseball cap in navy, white or bottle green.

Given the tournament includes 100 or more players, each participant will only play a small proportion of the possible opponents. To keep things fair, and to confidently identify a true winner, the pairings are constantly evaluated based on their last result. So, if a player wins they will move ‘up’ a table and if they lose they will move ‘down’. The top 3 or 4 players are usually pretty stagnant and consistent. These players will set up their residency on tables 1, 2 and 3 – personalising their spaces with framed pictures of their mothers, Magnus Carlsen bobble-head dolls and packets of supermarket-bought jam-filled sponge cakes. For everybody else there is quite some variability; a win rocketing you up 10 tables or so, and a loss doing the same in reverse. There are lots of intricate, tournament-specific, rules which I won’t trouble you with (mostly because I don’t understand them all), but players need to keep track of each move via a baffling, coded shorthand, written in hard copy on a score sheet. This becomes the permanent record of the game, and the outcome.

Parents and other spectators cannot be within earshot of the games and are therefore generally separated by a pane of glass, or an invisible barrier of societal judgement, or both. The parental behaviour is generally highly cordial and supportive, but also quite odd. The weirdest among that cohort stand and watch every move, sometimes pressing their faces up against the glass and then leaving little steamy halos of chess expectation behind when they step back. Despite my pre-tournament predictions and hopes to the contrary, I found myself in this cohort.

Match 1

The preamble to Milo’s first game is already well documented. With lorikeets on his mind instead of gambits named for obscure Eastern European villages, he was no match for a pint-sized, baseball capped ball of chess fury. Even from 30 metres away I could feel the intensity. Milo would think awhile about his move, make it, stop his timer, and before he had even written down his aforementioned baffling, coded shorthand, the counter-move was already made. The moves were made forcefully; there was no placing, only ploughing, and whenever one of Milo’s pieces fell, I felt genuine remorse for it. It looked painful.

Milo was unfussed about the loss and his only non-lorikeet related comment post-match was that the other chap refused to talk to him. What a pro.

Match 2

Milo slipped down a table or two and thus came face-to-face with an entirely different profile of opponent. This fellow did have a chess-pun themed t-shirt (‘Knight to meet you’ with a picture of a Knight taking a pawn, or similar) but he bucked the fashion trend with a yellow bucket hat. I liked it. Even from my distant, elevated vantage point I could tell he was chatty, and fidgety. He stood up, he sat down, he tried to engage the table to his right, he tried to engage the table to his left, and at one point he had clearly lost his scoring sheet. How he managed this on an empty one square metre table I cannot tell you.

The game ended reasonably quickly and I could tell by the smile on the face of my returning son that he had enjoyed a victory. Unlike round one, Milo had a full report for me; he had told his opponent about Lucky the Lorikeet. His opponent had then tried to tell the amazing story to the adjacent tables, and had been shooshed. He had also employed an interesting mind-game on multiple occasions during the match, saying to Milo “I bet you don’t know what I am thinking.” Milo had ignored him two or three times but then had eventually said “No, I don’t know what you are thinking!” to which his opponent had quizzically responded “Wait, I don’t know what you are thinking either!”

It all seemed like a curious, but not unpleasant interaction.

Match 3

Milo was emotionally and physically drained by the time round three arrived on the afternoon of day one. We had walked the streets looking for a vet, scoured the internet for information on Lorikeet Paralysis Syndrome and carefully drafted our email to the University of Sydney Professor. And he had already played more than two and half hours of chess.

Milo’s final opponent for the day was tiny, even among a cohort of nine-year-old chess players who are not renowned for their bulk. He sat at the edge of his chair and still his feet dangled. His chess-themed tshirt swam on him, and he looked like his little head might become irretrievably lost in his baseball cap at any moment. But in junior chess, perhaps above all other pursuits with the possible exception of professional hide-and-seek, a slight frame is no impediment to glory.

This was Milo’s longest game of the tournament. His tiny opponent seemed completely still throughout, or perhaps his clothing was so loose that the movement of his limbs had no bearing on the fabric. Milo became distracted and occasionally smiled and waved up at me. Although very sweet and heartwarming, this is rarely a recipe for victory in a game as concentration-dependent as chess. It seems unlikely that Garry Kasparov ever waved to his mum… although a quick google of ‘Kasparov’s mum’ yields a number of articles suggesting they were quite close. So, perhaps he did.

Anyway, because the game was so protracted, I started to study the parents around me, the vast majority clearly chess enthusiasts themselves (t-shirts emblazoned with slogans like “Rook You!” alongside a Rook dramatically knocking over a Bishop tipped me off). Several of them were in fact zooming their camera phones so tight that they could photograph the boards of their playing children, allowing them to analyse the moves. This analysis then precipitated mutters of satisfaction or sighs of despair, or both, but also light-hearted conversation between these parents, many of whom seemed to know each other already.

I stood quietly by myself, and once the match had come to an end, walked down the stairs to give Milo a little cuddle. It was clear he had lost and so I didn’t even ask him about it. We did a quick circle of the surrounding bushland to spot any other distressed birds and then walked together back to our hotel after an extremely eventful day.

Match 4

Readers of this blog will know that Milo doesn’t really fit the oversized grey tshirt, athletic trousers and New Balance sneakers mould. On day one of the tournament Milo had been rather demure in his attire; chess tournament tshirt and black tights (although he did wear bright red crocs with rainbow coloured fluffy jibbitz exploding out all over the place). On day two he felt a little more comfortable with the environment and so leaned in a little more to his instincts. We have an expression in our house which we use often… ‘weird is interesting’, and everybody is encouraged to be weird in whatever way brings them joy. It is a philosophy very much open to individual interpretation and on that day Milo interpreted it as leopard tights, Tournament of the Minds tshirt, red crocs and his signature giant pink floppy hat. I expected him to remove the hat once play began, but he did not, which made him very easy to spot, and probably somewhat distracting to play.

The match was short and sharp and I could tell from his bouncy exit from the gym that he had won. A great start to the day.

Match 5

Match 5 was also reasonably short, but with a less victorious outcome. The pink hat came bobbing out of the gym once again, but this time in a more languid, dragging manner suggesting disappointment or calf injury.

When we arrived together at the meeting point Milo had a wry smile on his face, which seemed a little paler than usual. “That guy was like the Terminator” he said “I knew I was going to lose as soon as I saw him. It was a scary game.” (for those movie censors at home Milo knows of The Terminator but has not seen The Terminator – at least none of the good ones). According to Milo the Chess Terminator had only spoken twice; once to tell Milo to be quiet, and a second time to tell Milo to be quiet and also to confirm it is a tournament rule to be quiet.

Match 6

The final opponent for day two wore a COVID mask and a flannie, so he too was breaking with the general norms of attire. There was no point me zooming my camera in tight to analyse the game; I would have learned nothing. However, even from my distance I could tell it was an animated game. The two of them were chatting and pointing and thrusting their hands up to ask the adjudicators questions from time to time. Both boys looked focused and alert and the game stretched beyond the hour mark again. Really quite remarkable for nine year old boys who had already played 5 intense games of chess in two days.

Eventually the match ended and Milo bounded out victorious, a stream of words and phrases and energy bubbling out of him “so my rook broke free, but then I was stuck on the back rank, but then we did an exchange to my advantage, then I spotted a winning solution, I checked with my Bishop, he blocked with two Bishops… daddy? daddy? are you listening? Then I saw I could pin him and then I did a back rank check mate.” Awesome.

We went out for burgers and ice cream spiders.

Day 3

George Flopsy joined us for the final day of play. George is a pretty awesome little dude, a stuffed monkey with long arms that hold together with velcro; so he can cling onto the handrail on a bus, or the back of a schoolbag, or around your neck.

Milo wore George around his neck all day, positioned such that he was staring directly, unblinking, at each of his last three opponents. Milo also wore his giant pink hat, so by day three had completely leaned into his weird. We checked the rule book but found nothing precluding the wearing of inanimate, long-armed monkeys around one’s neck, and the adjudicators let it slide.

As I reported in the Lucky story, Milo lost his first game of day three but then, buoyed by the wonderful news of Lucky’s survival, managed to win his last two to finish 5-4 for the tournament, and about 25th out of 100 pretty intense little chess people.

Shortly before being check-mated, Milo’s last opponent for the tournament asked him;

“Why do you have a monkey around your neck?”

“Because he’s cute and I like him.” Milo replied.

The boy nodded and agreed “Yeah, he is pretty cute.”

Check mate.

Spot the pink hat

Lucky the Lorikeet falls from the sky

Lucky the Lorikeet falls from the sky

Milo and I recently visited Adelaide together for a big chess tournament. The last time we visited the City of Churches, just the two of us, Milo was only ten months old and he filled a Qantas cabin with couscous… if you like, you can read about it here.

In a tournament like this the kids play nine matches over the space of three days in a cavernous school gym, demonstrating more patience, resilience and sportsmanship than any assembled group of adults of a similar size could ever hope to muster.

But this is not the story of that chess tournament, we’ll get to that soon. This is the story of a Rainbow Lorikeet called Lucky, who literally fell out of the sky and landed on Milo’s shoulder.

Surprising ourselves, we arrived early on the first morning of the tournament, a Saturday, so had a few minutes to walk around before we had to register Milo to play. All of a sudden I heard a dull slapping noise behind me followed shortly thereafter by a yelp from Milo. “What is going on!!?” he yelled, genuine fear in his eyes as he ran towards me. Whilst hugging my leg he quickly explained he had been looking at a dead parrot on the ground when a second bird had literally thudded onto his shoulder before tumbling down onto the concrete.

A quick examination of the scene confirmed his story; a Rainbow Lorikeet quivered on the ground, looking most distressed indeed. And in fact there were not one but two other Lorikeets lying dead in the near vicinity. It was a curious and confronting scene.

Milo burst into tears and dashed to the injured bird, crying for me to help her. I immediately sprung into adult mode… which is to presume nothing can be done, briefly comfort the child, distract, and move forward.

“Oh buddy”, I said “she is really injured. It is so sad but I think there is nothing we can do for her.”

Milo was having none of it.

“But we have to try! She already has ants on her!” he wailed, tears streaming down his little cheeks. It was true, the ants had found her quickly and she was doing her best to keep them out of her eyes. She seemed somewhat paralysed and was not being particularly successful at defending herself.

I scooped her up in a smooth, curved piece of bark and lifted her off the ground, placing her on some soft clover in a garden bed.

“Well, that will at least get her away from the ants”, I said “and give her some peace.”

Good job, I thought. Great parenting. What else can we do?

“Alright”, I said “we’d better get you registered to play.”

It is amazing to me that even after nine years I am still capable of so thoroughly underestimating my child’s determination.

“I don’t care at all about chess,” he said firmly, tears drying a little on his cheeks “we are saving her.”

I sighed. Then looked at my watch.

“Alright.” I said “Let’s see what we can do.”

We had about 40 minutes until his first game and it was quite clear to me that he had no intention of playing if our new Lorikeet friend was not, by then, somewhere safer than a garden bed. I called WIRES (the NSW native wildlife rescue volunteers) and while on hold I took his hand and walked through the school to find the registration counter.

There was a long queue which gave me enough time to get to the end of the hold sequence and learn that WIRES only operates in NSW. It also gave me enough time to call the South Australian number that WIRES gave me and learn that due to ‘resource constraints’ their hotline is no longer monitored. Grab a cardboard box and find a vet that will take injured wildlife… if you can, was the only advice we received before the line disconnected.

I began to explain all of this to Milo but his eyes told me that we were getting a box and finding a vet, so my story trailed off. By now we were at the front of the queue. I registered Milo to play and then asked for a cardboard box because my son had been hit by a Lorikeet which had fallen from the sky.

The registration lady looked at me blankly and responded with only single word questions “Lorikeet? sky? box?”

“Yes please.” I said, and she shuffled off looking a little bemused. She returned moments later with a huge, flat box. The type you might transport a hundred mangoes in. Not ideal I thought, but it is definitely a box.

By now we were down to about 30 minutes so we quickly returned to where we had hidden the Lorikeet, dragging our huge box behind us.

The poor bird was still there and the ants had found her again. She flicked this way and that, trying to dissuade them, but she could barely move and it looked as if she had trouble moving her eyelids. I carefully scooped her up into the box and we both tried to brush off as many ants as we could. I searched for the nearest vet, which was mercifully only a kilometre or two away, and off we went on foot, with our tiny bird quivering in the corner of our giant cardboard box.

But after only 3 or 4 minutes the Lorikeet mustered whatever energy she had left and took to the air, soaring… and then very quickly landing again on a low branch across the street, perhaps 3 metres from ground level.

I adulted again.

“Fantastic, she can fly!” I said with contrived joy “she’s ok!”

Milo can muster an award winning, world-class scowl when he wants to. And he gave it all to me.

“Dad, she is definitely not ok. Look at her!”

He was right. Although her little talons were holding grimly to the branch, she was askew and appeared very precarious, wobbling back and forth. Her little eyes were mostly closed and she was shivering slightly.

“If we leave her now she will fall out onto the road and die.”

He was right, of course. He mostly is.

“Alright,” I responded meekly “what should we do?”

“Get her down. We have to get her to vet.” He looked up at the tree. “Climb up and get her.”

I too looked up at the tree and gulped. Ummm. It was potentially possible, but more likely would result in a broken ankle for me, and a whole lot of general life hassle. She was perched way out at the end of an increasingly skinny branch, which looked suitable for a tiny, hollow-boned Lorikeet, but definitely not suitable for a dense-boned, not-as-spritely-as-he-once-was, middle aged man.

“What else?” I asked.

“How about a long stick?” suggested Milo. A fine idea. “We could pile soft things in the box, place it under her and poke her out. She won’t like it but it will be worth it.” This kid is full of good ideas.

Milo quickly found a suitable stick while I positioned the box and lined it with my flannie and Milo’s hoodie. I stood on my tip-toes and started gently prodding the bird. Milo was right, she wasn’t pleased, but she couldn’t do much about it. She closed her eyes and just continued to cling onto that branch.

We tried different angles. We tried gently shaking the branch. We tried calling out to her. Nothing worked. She clung on and shivered and generally looked miserable.

As I poked, I looked up at the tree and once again started considering the very VERY poor idea of clambering up there. And then, just as I was about to give up, our little Lorikeet seemed to finally figure out we were trying to help her and hopped onto the end of our long stick, and clung on tight.

“She’s on!” we both yelped and I carefully lowered her down to the box. Once on she was not getting off, so I snapped off the end of the stick, gently covered her with my flannie, and we were off again in the direction of the vet. I didn’t want to look at my watch but I knew we were cutting things very fine.

We arrived at the vet flustered and a little out of breath.

“How can I help you?” asked the lady at the front desk “what have you got there?”

“Hi” I responded sweetly, holding the giant box out in front of me. “It’s a Rainbow Lorikeet. It fell out of the sky and landed on my son” I turned and pointed at my tear-streaked son as if to prove the story was true, at least the aspect related to the existence of a son.

Now, we had not looked under the flannie during our walk, and our Lorikeet friend had not looked well when we covered her up. So we were all, I think, preparing for a tiny, unmoving little bird when I removed my shirt. But to our great delight she popped her little head up and shook her feathers a little.

The receptionist did not take the box from me right away and, I think, briefly considered not taking this on as her problem. However, she quickly read the you have to take this bird from me in my eyes, smiled and took the box.

“I’ll transfer her into a cage” she said kindly, “and I’ll get the vet to take a look when she is free.”

I thanked her and then asked if we might be able to drop by or call later to get an update. She explained that their practice would close in 30 minutes and would not open again until Monday. But she took my number and smiled reassuringly at Milo. He smiled too, paused for a moment, and than seemed to accept there was nothing else we could do for now.

We declined the offer of taking the giant box away with us, and started walking back to the chess tournament, arriving with 2 or 3 minutes to spare.

Now, of course as soon as Milo had sat down at his board I called Kuepps (my wife and Milo’s mum) to tell her the whole story. She listened intently and then immediately said she had read an article about Lorikeet Paralysis Syndrome (LPS) which is affecting thousands of Rainbow Lorikeets in Queensland and Northern NSW (but not South Australia as far as anything we could find would indicate). She sent me a couple of articles and then we set about researching what we could.

Before Milo finished his first game I had found a professor at the University of Sydney who is leading a research project to better understand the cause of this syndrome, and to hopefully find a cure or remedy. The best working theory at present suggests the paralysis is caused by Lorikeets eating the fruit or seed of an introduced plant species. It is seasonal and only seems to occur in the summer months.

Milo bounded out of the hall.

“How did you go?” I asked.

“I lost,” he said quickly “how do you think our Lorikeet is?

“Well, I’ve got a lot to tell you,” I said “let’s get some lunch.”

We found a sandwich place and I filled him in on everything Kuepps had told me, and everything I had found in my googling, including the professor’s work at the University of Sydney. I explained that it seems most birds die from dehydration, starvation or predation from ants, birds or mammals. But, if they are found quickly enough, and cared for, they can survive.

Milo beamed and then his mechanical brain clicked into action.

…oh my goodness… this could be an important scientific discovery… if this is the first case discovered in South Australia that is really significant… we could save thousands of birds… okay, when was the first article written… 2021? …okay we need to figure out what species have been introduced since 2021… oh, what is the likely radius the birds would fly before they fall out of the sky… okay… figure out that radius… then write down all the introduced species in that radius… then I guess we have to remove all those plants from the whole country…

You could see the power and possibility of scientific research surging and pulsing through his brain. It was palpable.

“We have to email the professor and tell him what we found!”

So we did. We found his Sydney University email address and drafted a long email over lunch, telling him everything. We also decided our Lorikeet’s name would now be ‘Lucky’.

Milo won his second match (at least in part because he distracted his opponent by regaling him with the tale of Lucky), lost his third and we headed out for burgers and a movie. Lucky was never far from Milo’s thoughts however; a new idea or question popping up periodically throughout the evening.

To our delight and surprise, the following morning brought a reply from the professor, on a Sunday! Milo was most chuffed indeed. Thank you Milo for the information, it is interesting, I have forwarded to my colleague at Adelaide University, I will email the vet, I have copied in my research assistant and good luck for the chess today! Well, for Milo’s scientifically curious mind this was about the most exciting development possible. We called Kuepps and Monty and told them everything, and Milo then proceeded to win two of his three games that day.

On our way home we noticed one of the dead birds was not a Rainbow Lorikeet, but some other kind of parrot. All the articles we had read only mentioned Rainbow Lorikeets so we thought the prospect of the paralysis impacting other types of parrots might be significant. So we took a photo and then carefully moved the dead parrot onto some bark and under a bush to keep it somewhat protected, in case the Adelaide University colleague might want to collect it. We sent our discovery to the professor.

The next morning brought another reply! Yes, this was interesting, the bird is a Musk Lorikeet, common in South Australia, thanks again and I have forwarded the information to Adelaide University.

It was Monday, the last day of the tournament, and our last opportunity to learn what we could of Lucky’s fate. We were flying home later that evening.

Milo lost his first game of the day and afterwards I asked him whether he wanted to go to the vet now, or after his third game. I said I would let him choose but noted if Lucky had died it would very likely impact his ability to play the last two games.

Milo thought about it for a moment and said he would like to go now. Yes, he agreed it would make it hard to play his last two games, and he would probably lose, but he would prefer to find out what had happened to Lucky.

So we walked to the vet, hoping for good news but also trying (probably in vain) to manage our expectations. When we arrived the receptionist was different to the lady from Saturday. He was a smiley young man who asked how we could help.

Milo and I gave him the full story, babbling over each other, including the paralysis syndrome and the professor, and the email he may have received, and the Musk Lorikeet, everything. He looked blankly at us, advised he had not worked on Saturday and that the practice was closed on Sunday.

He stood up and did that thing where you push papers around, open and close browsers on your computer and say things like “I’m not seeing any notes here. Hmm. No, nothing. Nope, no notes…” open a drawer, close the drawer, look around a bit… hoping the other person will say something like “oh that’s okay, no worries, thanks for trying”. We said none of those things and just kept silently staring at him. I was smiling. Milo’s face was morphing slowly from smile to scowl.

“Would you like me to call the receptionist from Saturday?” he offered, somewhat hopelessly.

“Yes, thank you that would be great!” I replied.

He smiled grimly, picked up his phone and walked into another room, presumably in case the response was “Oh the Lorikeet? It died and I hoiked it in the bio-hazard bin.”

To our delight (and his), the receptionist returned with a smile on his face and proudly announced that on Saturday the Lorikeet had been transferred to another vet nearby, because their practice would be closed.

Believing our matter was now concluded the receptionist smiled again and turned his attention to the slowly growing queue behind us. But we remained.

“Would you mind calling the other vet to find out if she is okay?” I asked.

“The other vet? Call them? Me? Now?” we nodded.

“Of course, one second” he said very graciously and then once again retreated to his private room reserved for private conversations about unfortunately dead Lorikeets and their disposal.

But once again he returned triumphant, a broad grin on his face, and announced that the Lorikeet had grown stronger over the weekend and had yesterday been handed to a wildlife carer before (hopefully) being released back into the wild when she is strong enough.

Well, this was most excellent news indeed. Milo and I squeezed hands and grinned at each other.

The receptionist, now very sure our business was concluded, turned his attention to the next customer. But we were still there.

“Could we please have the address for the other vet?” I asked.

“The other vet?” he repeated.

“Yes please,” I said “we’d like to go and see if we can find out anything more.”

“Of course” he said kindly, handed us the address, and off we went, still on the trail of Lucky but now very much buoyed by the news that possibly, in fact probably, she had been saved.

It was another 1 or 2 kilometres to the second vet and we arrived even hotter and even more out of breath than before. Essentially copy and paste the above interaction with the receptionist at the next clinic, but also add four interruptions from dogs being dropped off (and patted by Milo), so the story became rather elongated and disjointed. The receptionist consulted with the vet who had cared for Lucky on Sunday and confirmed the story we had heard – she was much better by Sunday evening and had been transferred to a wildlife volunteer for specialist care before she can (hopefully) be released into the wild.

Ultimately I asked whether we could know where the carer lived so perhaps we could see Lucky before we departed Adelaide that evening. Quite reasonably the receptionist said she could not do this for privacy reasons but she agreed to take my number and pass it to the carer in case she was happy for us to visit.

We never received a call from the carer, so we will never see Lucky again. But we updated the professor and both felt so pleased with the outcome, and the effort we had gone to. Milo, despite obvious exhaustion, managed to win his last two games of the tournament and we left Adelaide tired but energized; Milo with a renewed zeal for science, research and wildlife preservation.

It is common as a parent to say proudly to one’s self (or others who will listen) “having children has made me a better person”. This is usually very nebulous – like, since I’ve had children I am far less likely to eat a kebab while sitting in the gutter at 2am, or I am now aware of pin worms and how to deal with them.

But on this occasion it was very specific and very tangible. Without Milo I would have done none of those things. I would have convinced myself there was nothing I could do, justified it to myself, walked away and in pretty short time forgotten all about it. Lucky would have been eaten by ants, or a cat, or a larger bird. We never would have emailed the professor and Milo’s potential ‘scientific discovery’ would not be recorded.

Children are beguiling and challenging and regularly beseech us to follow them down paths we don’t want to take. Often it is simply not possible to take those paths, for all sorts of very valid reasons. We explain those reasons all the time to Milo and Monty, then pull them in behind us onto our path, and we all walk on together. But more often than we would like to admit, it is possible to take a moment, follow them a little way, and maybe a little further, and see where it takes us…

A Rainbow Lorikeet unafflicted by Lorikeet Paralysis Syndrome